Wikipedia:Peer review/Vasil Levski/archive1

Vasil Levski

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for January 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'm aiming for FA status. The article is a GA and the reviewer was pretty impressed with its quality. I'm pretty condifent in the referencing and comprehensiveness, but I'd really like someone with a native-speaker competence of English to review the grammar and style; I've had FACs fail solely based on that criterion in the past and I'm not a native speaker. If there's anything else worth mentioning, of course, don't hesitate to write :) Any feedback will be appreciated.

Thanks, Todor →Bozhinov 14:24, 13 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: I enjoyed reading this article, which seems comprehensive, well-illustrated, stable, and factually accurate. The images look fine, and the licenses are all in order, as far as I can tell. I see a problem with the positioning of three of the images. MOS:IMAGES says, "Do not place left-aligned images directly below a subsection-level heading (=== or lower), as this sometimes disconnects the heading from the text that follows it. This can often be avoided by shifting left-aligned images down a paragraph or two."

Here are a few suggestions for improving the prose:

Lead

"Levski's gaze looked" - "Levski looked" would be better. Also, in this paragraph, I'd suggest a terminal period instead of a semicolon after "equality" and a terminal period after "bear his name".

Historical background

"prompting it being dubbed" - "prompting it to be dubbed" would be better
"and the implementation of the reforms planned by the sultans" - This could be tightened to "and reforms planned by the sultans".

Early life, education and monkhood

"at the time part of Rumelia" - Could be tightened to "part of Rumelia". The time is clear already.
"the priestly and craftsmen's Kunchevi family" - How about "the Kunchevi family, many members of which were priests or craftsmen. The family line traced back to one 17th century man named Dragoy." (If this is a first name, perhaps it would be good to include the last name too for clarity.)
"another craftsmen's family" - I think it would sound a little more natural to say "another family of craftsmen".
"; while visiting the school, he also studied homespun tailoring as a local craftsman's servant." - You could delete "while visiting the school" and the meaning would be the same.
"priest training course; on 7 December 1858" I think a terminal period would work slightly better here than a semicolon.
"suzerains" - Link to suzerainty.
"At the time, relations between the Serbs and their Ottoman suzerains were tense; after some fighting in Belgrade, the conflicts were resolved diplomatically and the First Bulgarian Legion was disbanded, under Ottoman pressure, on 12 September 1862." I'd put a terminal period after "tense" and delete "some".

Hitov's detachment and Second Bulgarian Legion

"which would invade Bulgaria seeking" - Suggestion: "to invade Bulgaria and seek"
"and had to be operated" - Suggestion: "that required surgery"
"had to be operated; forced to bed - Terminal period instead of semicolon
"his stomach wound" - Suggestion: "his stomach problems" since "wound" sounds like a battle injury

Bulgarian tours and work in Romania

"began his land tour; the tour" - Terminal period, etc.
"lasting between 1 May and 26 August 1869" - Suggestion: "lasting from"
"Ivan Kasabov; the proclamations" - Terminal period rather than semicolon
"as being in the name of" - Suggestion: "as the representative of"

Creation of the Internal Revolutionary Organisation

"the venturous" - Adventurous?

Capture and execution

'In that tense situation and explicitly against Levski's will and orders" - I don't think you need "explicitly" or "will and". The meaning is the same without them.
"Obshti plotted and carried out the robbery of" - Suggestion: "Obshti robbed"
"were soon arrested by the authorities" - Suggestion: "were soon arrested". "By the authorities" will be understood without saying.
"full confession and uncovered Levski's leading role" - Suggestion: "revealed" instead of "uncovered"
"Levski was convoyed to Tarnovo for interrogation and recognition" - Suggestion: "taken" instead of "convoyed". Also, I'd delete "and recognition" as unnecessary.
"In Sofia, Levski was brought to trial; while he acknowledged" - Terminal period instead of semicolon

Revolutionary theory and ideas

"Levski also explicitly determined the future form of government in an envisioned liberated Bulgaria" - "Levski helped determine the future form of government in liberated Bulgaria" might be better.
"and the contemporary Western society:" - The sentence starting with "Levski" and including this clause is too long, stuck together with an em dash and a colon. I'd suggest a terminal period after "Western society". The next sentence could start with "He said,".
The last paragraph seems a bit too long. It has too many quotes, and the prose shades into veneration rather than staying strictly neutral. I think I'd omit "Levski dedicated his life to the popular will: "I have devoted myself to my fatherland, to serve it to death and to work according to the people's will" since it repeats the ideas of the sentence that precedes it.

Commemoration

The Manual of Style says to avoid fancy quotes such as the ones setting off the poem. I use the blockquote option, but it might not produce the kind of layout you'd prefer. WP:MOSQUOTE has the guidelines.
"Austro–Hungarian-made Gasser revolver from 1869" - Suggestion: "Gasser revolver, made in Austria-Hungary in 1869"

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 05:18, 20 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you, that was very thorough and really helpful :) Best, Todor →Bozhinov 15:51, 24 January 2009 (UTC)[reply]