Wikipedia:Peer review/Virginia/archive5

Virginia

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for May 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
Although over the last two years this article has been up for Peer Review four times and was a Featured Article Candidate twice, it still has yet to ever receive a real line by line copyedit. This is likely because it is a long one. Criticism from the old FACs included minor prose problems, and a lack of textual references. All helpful suggestions are appreciated!--Patrick «» 20:38, 11 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Dincher's PR

Lead

The state is geographically shaped by the Blue Ridge Mountains and the Chesapeake Bay, home to much of the state's flora and fauna.

Consider. The geography of the state is shaped by Blue Ridge Mountains and the Chesapeake Bay, home to much of the state's flora and fauna.

~~:I would drop mention of Fairfax County as the most populous subdivision. I doesn't seem to be all that noteworthy. Most populous city is a keeper.~~

The second paragraph is jumbled. It begins in 1607, touches slavery and ends with politics. Suggest re-working. Then again chaning roots to history might do the trick.

The third paragraph of the lead is very nice. It's well connected.

Geography

I am not sure that the bits about the charter and Potomac River are needed in the lead paragraph of this article.

Geology and terrain. These form instead of these shape. These shape caused me to stumble and you want the article to flow.

Stating that the mountains are the highest points in the state is stating the obvious. I'd just name the highest points.

What does dendritic mean? - needs a link

Since earthquakes are so rare in VA, I see no need to mention them at all.

Climate

I am not going to read the "daughter article". I am just reading what's on the Virginia page.

Suggest according to location instead of depending on location.

Drop all of this In elevated / mountainous, and upland areas just start with west of the Blue Ridge.

Drop in the coldest places the number cited is the average low for the state correct?

Hurricane Gaston instead of Gaston

Mention of the urban heat island is nice. Well put and placed.

Flora and fauna

Note - the convention used for this article is that species names are capitalized, but other plant and animals are not: so "Cooper's Hawk", but just "hawks". This note is hidden in our FA Pennsylvania state park articles. Apparently White-tailed Deer needs to be capitalized but deer is not. Same goes for the other critters.

Wild Turkey instead of turkey (bird)

drop also from the sentence about the swamp extending into NC.

History

again I am just reading what's here and not on the daughters.

Consider dropping Chief from Chief Powhatan. There seems to be a movement to drop Chief from the title of Indian leaders. See Shikellamy and Sitting Bull

Colony section is very well written - nothing stands out as needing correction.

Statehood - drop the also in the sentence about freed black populations in Richmond and Petersburg.

Learned a new word manumission - nice.

Touch on why West Virginia split off. And mention that it was part of the Union

Suggest in the Civil War section

Not sure if biracial is the right adjective for the Readjuster Party. Biracial seems to imply an idividual of biracial makeup. Not a political party. Maybe desegregated instead. Not sure of this one.

Modern history intead of modern times.

Tell more about the protests in Farmville, world wide readers might not know about Brown vs.

Maybe drop the VA Tech shootings. I am not sure that this has world-wide significance. Unfortunately it has become one of many of these types of attacks.

Cities and towns

Do cities and counties really function in the same manner? This sentence is odd.

Political subdivisions in this state seem to be really confusing. The information about independent cities is very interesting. Now I understand why the bit about Fairfax County is in the lead.

Richmond, the capital, ... instead of Richmond is the capital. This is just repeated information from the history and infobox.

I'd name the naval base at Norfolk.

On a personal note - Loudon County is no longer an appealing way to get around DC. Used to go that way all the time. I don't anymore.

Tell us how big Suffolk is. It's a biggun.

Demographics

Is there an updated population estimate?

Where is Goochland County? This will help us understand where the population center is.

spoken fluently instead of very well

Etnicity

Looks fine.

Religion

Perhaps note that the Roman Catholic population grew with the arrival of Hispanics. This must be true.

Muslim increase is probably also due to arrival of immigrants.

Why mention Frontline ministry?

Economy

Drop the very and just go with well balanced or balanced.

Good information on the technology. Learned something here, too.

Just say Government agencies instead of well-known government agencies.

Culture

The first sentence about the spread of culture reads oddly.

Not sure if the sentence about the poet laureate is needed.

Fine and performing arts

The first paragraph reads more like a list than like a paragraph.

So does the second.

Festivals

Listy too

Media

I think this section could be cut entirely. As media is become less local and more national.

Education

Listy.

Health

Listy - too many additionallys

Transportation

With low disbursements for both roads and bridges, and a low road fatality rate, Virginia has a good system with a tight budget. - this is POV

drop currently after Washington Metro ...

the sentence about the company offering space tourism is not needed. It just seems like it was tacked on.

Law and gov't

More info about rankings of state gov'ts might be needed here.

What's a uified judicial system?

Perhaps say why the governor cannot run for re-election.

Politics

Fix the citation needed.

Sports

Ward Burton and Ricky Rudd are no longer active drivers in NASCAR.

Is Richmond trying to get another team? If so this should be mentioned.

State symbols

Listy - you could drop the listing of all the presidents from VA and just metion that x amount came from there.

The first part of the article is much stonger than that last part. It gets very listy after the culture section. For now the article is pretty good. I didn't check for grammar, punctuation, etc. I wouldn't really be able to find it. I am too used to reading the writings of my second grade students to find these types of mistakes. Dincher (talk) 19:15, 17 May 2009 (UTC)[reply]