Wikipedia:Peer review/We Are the World/archive1

We Are the World

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2009.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… I'd like to take it to GA, before submitting it at FAC. A peer review would help fix any problems the article may have.

Thanks, Pyrrhus16 12:09, 23 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Finetooth comments: This seems comprehensive, neutral, stable, and verifiable. I made some proofing changes, and I have some further suggestions about prose and Manual of Style issues.

I added quite a few no-break codes to hold digits and units together in constructions like $5 million and 5 a.m. If you look for them, you'll probably find some that I missed. WP:NBSP explains how this works.

Thanks! I'll see if I can find anymore that need doing. Pyrrhus16 12:25, 29 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Background and writing

"The musician planned to have the proceeds of such a venture donated to a new organization called United Support of Artists for Africa (USA for Africa)." - Tighten slightly be deleting "of such a venture"?
"The non-profit foundation would then feed and relieve the starving people of Africa." - Perhaps "starving people in Africa" since "the starving people of Africa" implies that all Africans were starving and that the foundation hoped to feed them all.
"In Belafonte's plans, money would also be set aside to fund hunger in the United States of America." - Not to "fund hunger", surely? How about "to help eliminate hunger"?
"Quincy Jones was drafted in to co-produce the song... " - Tighten by deleting "in"?
"Jackson revealed to Richie that he not only wanted to sing on the song, but to participate in its writing as well." - "Sing the song" rather than "sing on the song"?
"Jackson then presented his demo to Richie and Jones... " - Wikilink demo?

All done. Thanks. Pyrrhus16 12:25, 29 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Recording sessions

"was filled with musicians, technicians, video crews, retinues, assistants and organizers as the four musicians entered" - Wikilink retinues?
"To begin the night, a "vocal guide" of "We Are the World" was recorded by Richie and Jackson, which would then be duplicated and put on tape for each of the invited performers" - Tightened to "To begin the night, a "vocal guide" of "We Are the World" was recorded by Richie and Jackson and duplicated on tape for each of the invited performers."
"The guide was recorded on the sixth take... " - Wikilink take?
WP:MOSQUOTE says in part, "A long quote (more than four lines, or consisting of more than one paragraph, regardless of number of lines) is formatted as a block quotation... ". The fancy quotes in the section should be changed to blockquotes.
"They were also greeted by Stevie Wonder, who proclaimed that if the recording was not completed in one take, he and Ray Charles would drive everybody home." - Although comics don't usually explain jokes, it would be good to explain this one for readers who don't know that Charles and Wonder were blind. You might just revise slightly to say, "... he and Ray Charles, two blind men, would drive everybody home."
"their names were written on silver gaffer tape stuck to the floor" - Wikilink gaffer tape?
"When all the participants were settled, Bob Geldof took to a podium and addressed the group... " - Tighten slightly to "When the participants were settled, Bob Geldof took the podium and addressed the group... "
"Stevie Wonder announced at 1 am that he would like to substitute the "sha-lum sha-lin-gay" sound for a line in Swahili." - Don't you mean just the opposite, that he wanted to substitute Swahili for sha-lum... "?

All done, aside from the last one. "Sha-lum" was already in the song, but Wonder wanted to replace it with a line in Swahili. Pyrrhus16 12:25, 29 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Music and vocal arrangements

""We Are the World" is sang from a first person viewpoint... " - "Sung" rather than "sang".
"and ad libs from Charles and Ingram... " - Wikilink ad libs?

All done. Thanks. Pyrrhus16 12:25, 29 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Release and reception

The fancy quotes should be replaced by a blockquote.

Done. Thanks. Pyrrhus16 12:25, 29 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Humanitarian aid

""We could go out and spend it all in one shot. Maybe we'd save some lives in the short term but it would be like putting a Band-Aid over a serious wound." - The Manual of Style advises against linking things inside direct quotations.

Done. Thanks. Pyrrhus16 12:25, 29 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

I hope these suggestions prove helpful. If so, please consider reviewing another article, especially one from the PR backlog. That is where I found this one. Finetooth (talk) 03:58, 29 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thank you very much for the review and copy-editing. It was extremely helpful. :) Pyrrhus16 12:25, 29 July 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Media review

File:Watwmag.jpg - I have added to this FUR, but I wonder if the image is necessary as the text describes it very well. I'm not convinced that this passes WP:NFCC #8 yet.

That's the one I had the most doubts over, so I've removed it. Saves any hassle at FAC. Pyrrhus16 12:56, 4 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

File:Michael Jackson - We are the World.ogg - A few more details need to be added to this FUR regarding precisely which musical elements the listener will hear.

Added a bit more. Pyrrhus16 12:56, 4 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

File:We Are the World alternative cover.jpg - The name of the copyright holder needs to be added to this FUR.

Done. Pyrrhus16 12:56, 4 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Everything else checks out. Awadewit (talk) 01:18, 4 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Thanks. :) Pyrrhus16 12:56, 4 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]

Comment: The article looks great but I have a couple of questions, how is it possible that the article only mentions "Do They Know It's Christmas?" once, and it wasn't even in the recording or writing part, that song was relesed months before "We Are the World", it was that song that started everything, specially in Oceania and Continental Europe. I find it hard to believe that a song that have the same purpose and the same scheme as another song released previously wasn't inspired by it.

Also altought the references in the Release and reception section are valid and reliable, they are 20 years old, people that read that will think that the song is still the fastest selling single, or the biggest selling single in the US, when is clear that "Candle in the Wind 1997" is the biggest selling single in America, I mean it was certified 8 times platinum the day it was released by the RIAA, so the references may be reliable and valid but I think a clarification needs to be placed, perhaps that the record was held until 1997 or something like that. And finally Holland and the Netherlands are the same thing, the same with Dutch Singles Chart and Holland Singles Chart, but the correct name is "Dutch Top 40".200.106.6.245 (talk) 09:39, 5 August 2009 (UTC)[reply]