Wikipedia:Peer review/Whitby/archive1

Whitby

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because… The article was recently the subject of a co-operative improvement effort by WikiProject:Yorkshire. We would like to get it to WP:GA standard.

Thanks, Harkey (talk) 10:19, 30 July 2011 (UTC)

Comments by Chipmunkdavis

Lead

• Is there a reason North Yorkshire is linked, but not England?
  • England is not linked per WP:OVERLINKING. personally I would link on first occurrence but they say not to link countries. North Yorkshire is linked as it is not expected that people would generally know where that is and is useful for background information on the area involved. Keith D (talk) 20:21, 12 August 2011 (UTC)
• As the information about distance from York and Whitby's relation to the River Esk seem unrelated, they should probably not be included in the same sentence.
  • Split sentences--Harkey (talk) 09:15, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• I was slightly confused by the sentence from the coast, but understood what it is trying to say after looking at the map. Could you clarify the coast is the coast of Great Britain?
  • Done--Harkey (talk) 08:28, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• Instead of "The settlement", it might be good to change to "A settlement", especially as the settlement was apparently destroyed by the vikings at one point.
• Don't just say "Whitby is known for its ammonite fossils", instead explain why. Are they particularly common or of good quality?
  • Done--Harkey (talk) 08:28, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• In popular culture sections are often discouraged from articles; it's very surprising to see information about such a thing in the lead, and if a mention of Dracula remains in the lead more context should be given.
  • Whitby's strong cultural and historical heritage are an important feature both physically and economically.--Harkey (talk) 14:24, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• It's suggested that the lead should contain information from every section, even if just a word or a phrase.

History

• The sentence relating to Caedmon needs to be rewritten. Words like "miraculously" sound quite WP:Peacocky, and the sentence doesn't explain much in the way of context.
  • Added quotes. It was considered by contemporaries to be a miracle.--Harkey (talk) 08:28, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• The second paragraph of the Abbey section is almost all unsourced.
  • Added sources.--Harkey (talk) 08:28, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• In town, explain who the burgesses are and explain what the dissolution was.
  • Linked--Harkey (talk) 09:15, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• How is the Resolution an important ship?
  • Linked
• The first paragraph of 19th century is too short to be a standalone paragraph.
  • Joined up.--Harkey (talk) 14:38, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• Change "the railway" to "a railway".
  • Done. Keith D (talk) 01:13, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• The third paragraph needs sourcing. In addition, it's probably too small to be a standalone paragraph.
• Combine the first two paragraphs of 20th century and source them.
  • Done.--Harkey (talk) 14:38, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• Add a comma between "fishing fleet" and "however".
  • Done. Keith D (talk) 01:10, 13 August 2011 (UTC)

Governance

• It would be good if you could explain what "Ratepayers" are, either in the history section or here.
  • Done--Harkey (talk) 10:00, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• Source the first paragraph and combine it with the second.
  • Done--Harkey (talk) 10:00, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• The start of the second paragraph seems out of place chronologically.
  • Done--Harkey (talk) 10:00, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• Can more information be added about services provided by each level of government?
  • Done--Harkey (talk) 10:00, 13 August 2011 (UTC)

Geography and geology

• Reword the first sentence, it seems like it just runs on.
• The second paragraph seems fairly unrelated to geography and geology. Although information about land reclamation may be pertinent, the information about companies etc. seems like it would be better located elsewhere.
• Is the Rotunda Museum notable enough to get its own mention here?
• Link geographical fault to Fault (geology)
  • Linked. Keith D (talk) 20:43, 12 August 2011 (UTC)
• Remove "As part of the United Kingdom" from Climate. Whitby's being in the UK does not create its weather.
  • Text removed. Keith D (talk) 20:34, 12 August 2011 (UTC)
• I would remove the climate header, as if only one paragraph of information can be gathered it hardly seems like it should have its own section.
  • Done.--Harkey (talk) 14:38, 13 August 2011 (UTC)

In addition, more information on geology would be useful, as it seems incomplete somehow.

Demographics

• Be prepared for a 2011 update!
  • First information will be released in October 2012.--Harkey (talk) 10:55, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
    • This will probably affect every UK location article so it will be a major change when the information is released. Keith D (talk) 11:17, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• The whole second paragraph seems to be better suited to the Economy section than here.
  • Done.--Harkey (talk) 10:55, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• I would suggest moving some other sections, possibly Religion and Education, under the demographics section. In addition, information on other aspects, ethnic makeup/ancestry, immigration, etc. is needed.

Economy

• What's in this section is good, but somehow it seems like more could be added. There's a lack of statistics, surprising as it is an Economy section. Are there really no industries within the town itself? Perhaps a note of when previous industries mentioned in history shut down would be useful.
  • Done.--Harkey (talk) 14:18, 13 August 2011 (UTC)

Transport

• Make sure each item in this section is sourced. The sources do not appear to cover everything included in the text.
• Spell out "deadweight tonnage"
  • Done.--Harkey (talk) 10:55, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• It may be good to note the location of the nearest airport.
  • Done.--Harkey (talk) 14:18, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• Are there any ferry services?
  • Sadly, no.--Harkey (talk) 10:55, 13 August 2011 (UTC)

Public Services

• As I mentioned above, Public Services sounds to me like something that should be subsectioned under governance. The small amount of information included in governance (street lighting etc.) should be moved into here.
• Does the Yorkshire Ambulance Service apply just to the Whitby Community Hospital? What level of care can this hospital provide?
  • Done, linked.--Harkey (talk) 16:10, 21 August 2011 (UTC)

Landmarks

• The sentence "The stone steps are around 200 years old and were completely renovated between 2005 and 2006" should be located before its current preceding sentence.
  • Re-arranged, somewhat.--Harkey (talk) 16:24, 21 August 2011 (UTC)
• What is the elevation of the East Cliff?
• The fourth and fifth paragraphs need sourcing. So does the last sentence of the final paragraph.
  • Done, sources added--Harkey (talk) 16:24, 21 August 2011 (UTC)

Education

• Could any more information be provided on these schools? Their size as well as how they are funded seem to be the most needed information.

Religion

• Don't say there were no Hindus, there is no point mentioning just 1 religion of which there were no practitioners.
  • I have removed Hindus and reordered list largest to smallest as seemed random order. Keith D (talk) 20:56, 12 August 2011 (UTC)
• Details on St. Mary's Church should be in the Landmarks section, with this section just covering its religious affiliation and the number of practitioners.
  • Done.--Harkey (talk) 16:05, 21 August 2011 (UTC)

Sport

• Is there a special reason the Red Arrows were singled out for mention? They shouldn't be described as a "spectacle" anyway; not a very neutral tone.

Culture

• What is Pannett Park?
  • Linked as Public park.--Harkey (talk) 16:37, 21 August 2011 (UTC)
• The picture here is of the Whitby Pavilion, yet this phrase is not mentioned explicitly in the text. Perhaps expand the caption slightly?
• Another picture here would compliment this section nicely.
• I would make literature, and perhaps Sports, a subsection of Culture.
  • Section combined as "Culture, media and sport."--Harkey (talk) 16:31, 21 August 2011 (UTC)

Literature

• It may help readers if you indent the quotes slightly.
  • Done.--Harkey (talk) 10:55, 13 August 2011 (UTC)
• I'm not sure if a list of works which reference Whitby is helpful. For a start, it's unsourced.*Done, sourced and list trimmed. --Harkey (talk) 16:05, 21 August 2011 (UTC)I would also say if the relevance of Whitby to the work is no more than a simple passing mention, and not enough to even earn it a sentence on this article, it shouldn't be mentioned on this article.

People/Twin Cities

• Make Category:People from Whitby a see also somewhere else, I'd suggest Demographics.
• Sources needed for two of the twin cities.
  • Done.--Harkey (talk) 14:18, 13 August 2011 (UTC)

There's a lot fo work that's been put into this article, and it shows a very high level of local knowledge. However, this is detrimental in some areas, notably history, where the article assumes too much knowledge from the reader. When editing, place yourself in the mind of someone who has never heard of Whitby, and perhaps someone who knows nothing about the UK. Make sure any words which are specific to the UK are explained. Anyway, I enjoyed reading this. All the comments above are suggestions, you may take them, adapt them, or leave them as you please. I ahve this page watchlisted in case there are any questions. Good luck with GAN, Chipmunkdavis (talk) 08:14, 12 August 2011 (UTC)