Wikipedia:Peer review/Real Madrid C.F./archive5

Real Madrid C.F.

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A script has been used to generate a semi-automated review of the article for issues relating to grammar and house style; it can be found on the automated peer review page for July 2008.

This peer review discussion has been closed.
I've listed this article for peer review because I'd like to get some comments to improve it. Also, I believe it could become a Featured List.

Thanks, Saudi⁹⁹⁹⁹ 00:56, 16 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Ruhrfisch comments: Very briefly, here are some suggestions for improvement. If you want more comments, please ask here. I do not think this article meets the crteria to be considered a list, so it can not become a Featured List. I think it needs a lot of work to get to Featured Article, but that seems the correct goal to me.

The lead should be an accessible and inviting overview of the whole article. Nothing important should be in the lead only - since it is a summary, it should all be repeated in the body of the article itself (the Harvard case study). My rule of thumb is to include every header in the lead in some way. Please see WP:LEAD
I do not think the lyrics of the two club songs should be quoted in their entirety - that is copyrighted material and to give the whole song is a copyvio
Per WP:MOS#Images, images should be set to thumb width to allow reader preferences to take over. For portrait format images, "vertical" can be used to make the image narrower.
Article needs a good copyedit for grammar and also to tighten things up - the lead repeats 9 European championships
Some of the references seem to be fan sites and may not meet WP:RS - for example realmadrid.pl
I just removed the "Himno del Real Madrid" section as it was a cut and paste copyvio from http://www.realmadrid.pl/index.php?co=hymn&newlang=en

Hope this helps. If my comments are useful, please consider peer reviewing an article, especially one at Wikipedia:Peer review/backlog (which is how I found this article). Yours, Ruhrfisch _><>°^° 18:25, 22 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

NapHit comments

Professional spelt wrong in the lead
Is the information about the presidents and secretaries relevant as they don't seem to be responsible for the splits, unless you are not making this explicit
"The club won the European Cup for a sixth time in 1966 defeating FK Partizan 2–1 in the final with a team composed entirely of nationally-born players - a first in the competition." - a en or em dash should be used instead of the ordinary dash
"It" should not be used when referring to Madrid, use the club or Real Madrid
Are 4 refs necessary at the end of the third paragraph in the history section
"Atlético Celaya in Mexico.[31]In" - space needed between ref and new sentence
"The first change in the crest occurred in 1908,when the letters adopted a more streamlined form and appeared inside a circle." space needed after comma
Not sure the budget and criticism sections are needed
Wikilink the respective final years mentioned in the stadium section
A thorough copyedit is needed as the article has a few grammar problems, and some of the sections do not flow very well
Have a look at other featured articles such as Arsenal F.C. and Chelsea F.C.

That's all for now NapHit (talk) 18:55, 25 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]

Comments by Oldelpaso

It is anachronistic to say that the club has won the Champions League nine times, most of these were when the competition was the European Cup. Using "European Cup" works for both, as "European Cup" can refer to the trophy.
Single years should be delinked.
Los Blancos is the most successful club in UEFA club football competitions history mixes singular and plural within the same sentence. This also occurs on one or two other occasions.
What does "most extensive football club" mean?
Richest in terms of revenue -> has the largest turnover.
The early part of the history section perhaps focuses too much on presidents to the detriment of what the club did. For instance, it is not mentioned that Read Madrid were founder members of the league, or when first won the league title.
In 1920 the club's name was changed to Real Madrid after the King granted the title of Real (Royal) to the club. - Which King? A link to the monarch in question would be useful.
In 1912 it moved to its first ground called 'Campo de O'Donnell' after moving between some minor grounds. If they played elsewhere it wasn't their first ground. Was it the first ground owned by the club, the first purpose built groundm or something like that?
with a team composed entirely of nationally-born players - I know what this is trying to say but it needs rephrasing, all players are born in a nation.
It is probably excessive detail to list when and where each of the La Quinta del Buitre left the club.
There is a deadlinked image.
The club controversially got its training ground re-zoned - What does this mean?
Wasn't Capello sacked after winning the title on two separate occasions?
Listing lyrics in Spanish doesn't provide much insight on the English Wikipedia.
Why is the song Real's official anthem? What is the song about?
Was the change in crest anything to do with Franco? Speaking of Franco, weren't Real known for being Franco's favoured team?
The most recent modification to the crest occurred in 2001, when the club wanted to better position itself for the twenty-first century and further standardize its crest. - I don't know if you can find a cite for it, but this will almost certainly be due to a lack of copyrights and trademarks on the previous crest (most major European clubs have done something similar in the last 15 years).
was replaced by a 100% white version - "100%" should not appear in prose. Try "all-white" or similar.
Interwiki links should not be present in text. If there is no English Wikipedia article, than a redlink is fine.
No need to run through sponsor and kit manufacturers in both prose and in a table. One should be removed, preferably the table.
The world-record fee of €76 million (over US$100 million, £45.8 million) for Zinedine Zidane's transfer from Juventus to Real Madrid in 2001 is the highest ever paid - if it is a world record then by definition it is the highest ever paid, and thus does not need to be described as such.
approximately 68,670 - a very precise number for an approximation.
The Cristiano Ronaldo affair is a ephemeral news story which has no place in the main Real Madrid article.
Youth players without squad numbers should not be included in the squad list.
Either complete the list of captains for the full club history, or remove it.
When a team has won as many trophies as Real Madrid, it might be worth considering omitting those in which the club was runner-up.
Some references appear to be fansites. What makes them reliable?

Hope this helps. Oldelpaso (talk) 09:08, 27 July 2008 (UTC)[reply]