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Wikipedia:Peer review/Utah Girls Football League/archive1

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I've listed this article for peer review because I have made a large portion of its contributions (I'm the page creator and the only one to edit it this year) so it would be beneficial to get a second set of eyes.

Thanks! ––FORMALDUDE(talk) 07:11, 17 July 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Some comments by Vilenski

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Comments from CactiStaccingCrane (talk)

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Hello, and I have edited the article a bit to weed out promotional tone. Here's the list of stuff that you can improve:

  • A lot of sources are primary. Since there is a lot of coverage on the topic, you might want to use secondary sources. Many information need citations as well.
  • You might want to mention the league's history and matches.
  • Some information, such as The Utah Girls Football League gained national acclaim when it started in 2015. It has seen nationwide news coverage. The league has received both praise and criticism. maybe need paraphrased to get rid of promotional tones. Quotes should be rephrased as well, and not italicized.
  • There are excessive capitalization. Consider removing them, example being Deputy Commissioner, Treasurer, Safety Coordinator, Marketing Coordinator, Web Developer, Coaching Coordinator, and League Secretary.
  • You might want to use neutral language on the article, replacing words such as ever, even taken, simply reported, etc. and remove vagueness/redundancy, such as ... who played and suffered a range of experiences ..., replace it with ... who played and suffered assault and exclusion.
  • Copyvio found, please fix this sentence now: In 2021, U.S. District Court Judge Howard Nielson ruled in favor of the defendants, stating that Utah school districts aren’t legally required to create a separate sport for girls interested in playing football because girls who want to play can play on teams usually filled by boys.

Comments by Z1720

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@FormalDude: Are you still interested in getting comments for this article? If you are looking for more information to add to the article, I suggest looking in WP:LIBRARY, Google Scholar, or in databases provided by your local library system. Let me know if you have any questions. Z1720 (talk) 15:08, 16 November 2021 (UTC)[reply]

Closing note: I am closing this PR due to inactivity and the length of time it has been open. FormalDude can open a new PR once the above comments from other reviewers are resolved. Z1720 (talk) 18:41, 1 December 2021 (UTC)[reply]